"When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50%. But covenant companions each give 100%. Enough and to spare. Each gives enough to cover any shortfall by the other."
(Hafen, Bruce C., Covenant Marriage, October 1996 General Conference, http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng)
This is such an important goal to have. We need to be a covenant companion that is giving 100%. I was able to talk to a girl that I visit teach about a covenant marriage. I didn't have the lesson for the month but my companion canceled at the last minute, so I decided to take me school material since that was fresh on my mind. We talked about what a covenant marriage means and goals that we can do to have a more covenant marriage. I was also able to share with her some quotes that I read this week from President Kimball. He a sweet relationship with his wife. I will include some quotes that I really liked from him. He and his wife had a sacred relationship.
I was also able to share a personal story with her about our Grandpa-sititng assignment a few years ago. My husband's Grandpa was in the last few months of his life and had to have 24 hour care. Grandma at this time was also very sick and couldn't be there for him. I got called on a lot to help because I live close and I'm available during the day. I was there in their home often but there was a couple of times that I witnessed this same sacredness in a marriage of 60+ years. Grandma was on her way to the doctor's office, in total pain. She feebly hobbled over to Grandpa to give him a kiss, not knowing that she would be admitted immediately into the hospital, not to come out for several weeks. Seeing this sweet kiss between them was so tender and cute, and just about made me cry. A few weeks later, Grandma was permitted to come home just for lunch. Grandpa who was normally sleeping all day long, couldn't sleep. He was so excited to see his sweetheart. When she did finally arrive, she snuggled up to him, he very weakly put his arm around her shoulders, and she just burst into tears. She told him how hard the last few weeks had been, she testified of a great family that had taken care of them both, she told him how she missed him. If a kiss just about put me into tears, this moment did for sure. I felt like I was allowed to see this sacred moment between a couple that had gone through a lot together over the years. It gave me a resolve to keep my marriage that way, so that I can be doing the same thing after 60 years of marriage. This was an example to me of a covenant marriage.
I am thankful for examples of President Kimball and Grandmas and Grandpas that give us hope for the future. We have to be strong during those hard times during marriage, and we will pull through probably stronger than ever before.
Our marriage should be like an epoxy. It takes both components to adhere, and when it does adhere it is strong bond together. Here is a list of things will help our marriage:
- Respond to bids for attention, affection, humor, or support. And announcement of “I’ve had a rotten day” can be met with acknowledgement of feelings (“I’m sorry to hear that”), a hug, and an invitation to talk more about
- Make an effort to do everyday activities together, such as reading the mail or making the bed.
- Have stress reducing conversation at the end of the day. This involves reuniting at the end of a busy day to see how things went, and listening to and validating one another.
- Do something special every day to communicate affection and appreciation.
- Keep track of how well you are connecting emotionally with each other, and make enhancements when necessary.
- Companionship inventory
- Discover the value of pillow-talk
- Spend at least 5 hours a week strengthening your relationship.
- Learn one thing that happened in your spouse’s life each day
- Have a weekly date night
- Attend the temple regularly
Marriage Quotes
- “We need an unspoiled companion who will not count our wrinkles, remember our stupidities nor remember our weaknesses;…we need a loving companion with whom we have suffered and wept and prayed and worshipped; one with whom we have suffered sorrow and disappointments, one who loves us for what we are or intend to be rather than what we appear to be in our gilded shell. (Kimball, Spencer W., Teaching of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, Chapter 18, http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/36500_eng.pdf?lang=eng)
- “Happiness does not come by pressing a button, as does the electric light; happiness is a state of mind and comes from within. It must be earned. It cannot be purchased with money; it cannot be taken for nothing. Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness.” (Kimball, Spencer W., Teaching of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, Chapter 18, http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/36500_eng.pdf?lang=eng)
- “Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding…If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. Many couples permit their marriage to become stale and their love to grow old like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy.” (Kimball, Spencer W., Teaching of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, Chapter 18, http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/36500_eng.pdf?lang=eng)
- “…If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have great happiness. When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste-mentally and physically-so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at is pinnacle.” (Kimball, Spencer W., Teaching of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, Chapter 18, http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/36500_eng.pdf?lang=eng)
- "While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind con conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person." (Kimball, Spencer W., BYU devotional, September 1976)
- "Love as distinct from "being in love" is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit...They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other...It is on the this love that the engine is run: being in love was the explosion that started it." (Lewis, C.S., More Christianity, 1952, pg. 99)
- "If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever become tarnished, you lovingly polish it until gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grow more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way." (Howard, Burton F., April 2003 General Conference, http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/04/eternal-marriage?lang=eng)
No comments:
Post a Comment