Building our Marriage Love Map

John Gottman in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work talks about the importance of the building a love map with our spouse.  This is time for some really thought provoking questions about ourselves, our relationship with our spouse, and our spouse.  I haven't tried them all yet, but have plans to slowly work on doing each of the following activities with my husband.  The following link are several activities to do together. Marriage Preparation Work Book I would encourage you to do this once, do it again, and again.  We will really learn things about the one we love the most.  This will provide for some in-depth conversation together, it will be a bonding experience for you. 

This week had a good analogy from H. Wallace Goddard, in the book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.  He said, "When I think about applying the principle of sacrifice to marriage, I think of the allegory of a man who had two friends in the manufactured-home business.  When he wanted a new house, he asked each friend to send him half a house.  He gave no plans.  He provided no specifications on size or style.  He left them to design as they would.  So each friend sent a lovely half-house.  The the two halves arrived at the site, they were jarringly different.  Rooms did not line up.  Utilities did not match up.  Roofs and walls between the two halves did not connect. 

     This is a pretty good symbol for marriage.  Each of us is created in a different "factory" or family.  Two people come together assuming that they will readily connect.  But we soon find that our traditions, expectations, assumptions, and ways of life do not line up.  The more time that passes, the more clear the differences."
     He goes on to say that it is through the Lord that we are able to fix our houses so that they will mesh together.  Brother Goddard goes on to quote C.S. Lewis:
"Imagine yourself as a living house.  God comes into rebuild that house.  At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing.  He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.  But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense.  What on earth is He up to?  The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of-throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace."

I love this quote.  That says it perfectly.  This week I was able to teach my husband about love maps especially because we were able to do a few of the exercises.  I also want to share this with my sisters because I know that they could really benefit from them as well.