Strengthening Family Resilience

I went to visit a inactive sister in our ward.  She had hanging in her house a beautiful picture of a person at the base of a lighthouse, with water crashing up around the lighthouse.  It was similar to this picture.  And there is a guy in the doorway that you can’t see very well.  This is a family that has really struggled.  They are a Hispanic family with 6 children living in a 2 bedroom apartment.  I commented on her picture, because I love the symbolism in lighthouses anyways.  When I told her that I liked her picture she said that it is so fitting of her life, that all of her problems are crashing in around her.  I quickly disagreed with her.  I told her that I thought of it in a more positive light.  I feel like we may be at the bottom of the lighthouse and in danger, but if we look to the light, or Christ, then we can weather the storm.  By looking to the light we bring hope into our lives.  It was interesting to see our two different perspectives of the same painting.  But my family situation is a lot better than hers.  In fact I served with her daughter in Young Women’s a little while back.  We had an activity at our Stake President’s house, because his wife is one of the leaders.  They are super young, but have an amazing house.  As we walked in the door this young girl said, “How many people live here?  This is like a mansion!”  It was hard to admit to her that it was just a young couple and their one year old son.  This made me sad because she probably would never be able to rise above.  I hope that you can and make something out of herself someday. 

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Families are best able to weather adversity when members have an abiding loyalty and faith in one another, rooted in a strong sense of trust.  They share confidence that home is a safe and welcoming place and that they will always be there for one another….Confidence in one another’s basic will is essential to achieve closeness and collaboration, and to support trust, joy, and comfort in relating.  In times of trouble, family members do best when they believe they can turn to one another as trusted partners and true kin.”  (Walsh, F. (1998). Belief Systems: The Heart and Soul of Resilience. In Strengthening family resilience (pp. 45-72). New York: Guilford Press.)

In stressful family situations, the situation needs to be carefully explained to the children.  Many years ago, my grandparents got divorced after 45 years of marriage.  This was a painful experience for the whole family.  My parents were good at explaining the situation.  My aunt on the other hand chose not to explain it to her children.  She was too shaken up herself to be able to do it.  She also wanted to shield them from the whole experience.  Of anybody her kids had one of the closest relationships with both my Grandma and Grandpa.  I remember having sleep overs at my cousin’s house and she would ask me questions that should have been answered by her mom.  Then we would both cry about it.  I know that she was grateful for my knowledge so that it could help her, since she couldn’t get any information from her mother.  Her brother and I never really had conversations about the whole experience.  But to this day he is living his life similar to that of my Grandpa and thinks it is ok.  I know that he always looked up to my Grandpa.  My Grandpa will never admit it, but unfortunately his own grandson is following in his footsteps, because he chose to give that kind ofexample to him.